Spoofed
by xKtynx
Summary: It's a parody of what I think the 6th book is going to be like. Give it a try. :) Thanks a lot. xx Kaitlyn


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

**Spoofed!**

**By: xKtynx**

**The end of another boring summer.**

Harry, Ron and Hermione: walk onto train station

Ron: glares at Crookshanks

Crookshanks: glares back at Ron

Harry: whines Everybody hates me, nobody wants to be my friend anymore and I'm bound to die a slow, young and painful death.

Ron: shrugs

Hermione: Actually, according to this book I have here, your death is going to be "filled with excruciating pain." proud of self

Harry: stares Thanks, Hermione.

Hermione: smiles Don't mention it.

Harry: mutters as they walk onto train Don't worry, I won't.

**On the Hogwarts Express.**

Hermione: reads Hogwarts: A History for the nineteenth billion kajillioneth time

Ron: eats chocolate frog heads through mouthful of frog 'Ey 'Arry, 'and me un of dose 'umpkin fings.

Harry: stares Did you just ask me to brush your pubic bangs?

Ron: stares back in horror cautiously gets a pumpkin thing on his own scoots closer to Hermione

Hermione: shields self with Hogwarts: A History COOTIES!

Ron: cries

The Trio: trios

Draco, Crabbe and Goyle: somehow know what compartment Harry Ron and Hermione are in and open the compartment door, and walk in look tougher and eviler than last year

Ron: hurriedly wipes off the tears Weasley-ness What do you want, Ferret?

Draco: puts on suddenly sexy and seductive voice flips hair back and runs tongue over upper lip I want… your bod…

Ron: faints

Hermione: raises an eyebrow

Harry: teenage hormones kick in Why don't you just leave me alone! Everyone is out to get me! You're all ruining my will-be-short-lived-life! pulls at hair

Crabbe: Grunt.

Goyle: scratches head

Draco: rollseyes Dude, save it for someone who cares. walks out of compartment with Crabbe and Goyle

Harry: stares

Hermione: Wow. I think we just got wizard-served.

Ron: is scared to death Do you really think he wants my bod?

**Finally back at Hogwarts.**

Harry and Ron: tone Dumbledore's speech out

Hermione: listens as if her life depends on it

Dumbledore's speech in Harry and Ron's POV: Forest out of bounds … BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH … Voldemort … JABBER JABBER JABBER … Please welcome our new DADA Professor that is doomed to either die, get fired, quit, or run away. Good luck Professor Lupin!

Everyone in the Great Hall: stares openmouthed

Random person from somewhere: pops up Didn't we doom him already?

Fred Weasley: also pops up from somewhere He doesn't even go here!

George Weasley: _YOU_ don't even go here!

Oliver Wood: **_YOU_** don't even go here!

Ron: SHUT UP AND GET OUT!

Oliver, Fred, George and Un-known random person: troop out in shame

Dumbledore: waits until they're gone

Oliver, Fred, George and Un-know random person: are gone

Dumbledore: clears throat Hem hem…

Harry: is reminded of Umbridge hyperventilates

Dumbledore: sighs fixes Harry

Harry: dazed-ness

Dumbledore: Now, where was I… Oh, yes. Ok Minerva, if you'd be so kind as to bend over this table here and pull up you-

McGonagall: blushes interrupts him Erm, that was this morning, Albus.

Dumbledore: Ah, yes. I believe you are correct. thinks Right then. Lupin has returned for lack of better professor. Ok?

Everyone in Great Hall: eats while shooting nervous glances at Dumbledore and McGonagall

**In 'ze common room with the trio.**

Hermione: reads magazine

Harry and Ron: play chess

Ron: beats Harry

Harry: Damn…

Ron: reads magazine over Hermione's shoulder eyes widen in horror

Harry: re-sets chessboard

Ron: EW! HERMIONE'S READING A PORNO RAG!

Hermione: gasps No I'm not, Ronald! This is merely a muggle health magazine!

Ron: scoots closer to Harry again Right, and Harry really does have a lightning bolt scar on his forehead… mutters

Harry: stares Ron, I _do_ have a lighting bolt scar on my forehead. shows him

Ron: cries

**Breakfast on the first day back.**

Harry and Hermione: walk into the Great Hall

Hermione: Where's Ron?

Harry: I dunno…

Ron: motions them over

Hermione and Harry: Where did you come from?

Ron: waves it away Never mind that. It's too nice a day to care. I mean, look around! The Slytherins are Slythering, the Hufflepuffs are Huffling, the Ravenclaws are Ravening and we're Gryffindoring! What more could we ask for?

Harry: starts to point something out that they could ask for

Hermione: eyes widen Oh my God! What in the name of Merlin is that!

-

**A/N:** DUN DUN DUN! This is an abrupt turn of style for my writing, but I hope you'll like it! Until next time!

Xx Kaitlyn

Last Updated: February 26, 2005


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